Thursday, May 17, 2012

Life or something like it

Can I puh-lease tell you about this new found learning that I've got that has blown my mind, metaphorically of course. This insight has changed how I see the world in entirety, and particularly, how I look at men. This is what happened.

Recently, Thom turned to me ingenuously and asked me, "Babe, we got married on the 30th of August, right?" My initial reaction was sheer bewilderment; 6 months after getting married, how could he mistake our wedding date for another!!! {We got married on the 31st, btw.}A myriad emotions flitted through me in quick succession—amusement, fear, rage, curiosity, and deep, dark sorrow, to name a few... How typical, I thought, and I made fun of him about it, resentfully and unresentfully. This had happened a thousand times before. He does not remember a single other important date other than my birthday (and that too, he forgets the year), which he would never forget because I talk about it endlessly. Figures that he would forget our anniversary—that was the only date left untainted by his forgetting.

Well, it was only today that something stupefying struck me. He had not forgotten my wedding anniversary or even our wedding anniversary. He had forgotten his own. "Selfishness" or "self-obsession" or "insensitivity" or "not caring" or "being irresponsible" was not the reason. This whole thing, in fact, had nothing to do with me. He forgot a significant event in his life, which means a) that dates are not important to him in any way, or b) he is super forgetful. Neither has nothing to do with how he feels about me or how responsible he is as a boyfriend. 

I do not know if I have explained this well enough here, but this revelation has possibly freed me from a lifetime of anger, bitterness, and tears over forgotten anniversaries and missed birthdays. I am not saying that these are not important. Signifcants days in my life mean that world to me. And I really believe that the more excuses there are to celebrate, the better it is. But maybe I will never play games about dates or test Thom about this. Maybe. Let's see what else he remembers and forgets. ;)

Photograph *** by Sergey Ivanov (Seriv) on 500px


  1. You know what, 6 years of married life has taught men and women take things rather differently. I have come to accept that fact, and no matter how sad (or disappointed? perhaps the better term.) I feel when things like this happen, I try to go back to remembering that this has nothing to do with how much I love him or how much he loves me. I am glad to know that at least, I am not alone...Keep posting!

  2. Thats a nice thought! Lucky Thom that he has such a considerate and loving and intelligent wife... Even my husband used to get confused whether we got married on the 23rd or the 24th... Initially I used to find it unbelievable that he forgets our wedding date... But then these days, even I seem to get confused whether it was the 23rd or the 24th :P


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