Monday, April 30, 2012

Ten dreamy professions

I. Baby clothes designer
  1. How hard can it be?
  2. How fun it would be! 
  3. One size fits pretty much all, so it's easier.
  4. I wouldn't have to steal half the clothes for myself, which I would, if I was a designer of women's clothing. 
  5. The two things that people are willing to spend irrational amounts of money on are weddings and babies. Next step, the cover of Forbes magazine... smiling next to Oprah and the Queen.

II. Potter
  1. Playing with clay is the most luscious, delicious thing that you can do with your hands.
  2. Utilitarian Art!
Elephant Ceramics
III. Baker
  1. Think of what your breakfast could be.
  2. It is a noble profession—feeding the world.
  3. You would never go hungry.
  4. You could meet Nigella Lawson and Heston Blumenthal. The mind boggles at the thought of that, does it not?
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IV.Newborn Photographer
  1. How fun it would be!
  2. Parents think that their children look cute no matter what you do to them = Happy clients.
  3. Photography is anyways the best profession in the world. Any kind of photography is a blast.
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 V. Farmer
  1. This is not my genes talking (All my ancestors were plantation owners and farmers); Farming and gardening have to be the most cathartic activities!
  2. Imagine growing and selling vanilla. You could make a fortune!
  3. You would not die of asphyxiation from vehicle smoke, which is what I will die from if I keep living in Bombay. 
  4. Green is clean. Green is queen.Green is for all who don't wanna be mean. {I should not add pet to this list, should I?}
  5. You could clandestinely grow weed.
  6. You could clandestinely grow cinnamon and drink tea all day. You could do it publicly too, but clandestinely seems more fun.
  7. You could publicly grow organic flowers and sell them for exorbitant prices! Have you seen organic flowers? I may have come up with this idea.
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VI. Dog Breeder

I don't need not list out reasons for this one for all the sane people, but there could be cat lovers among you...
  1. Puppies all year long!!!
  2. You are contributing to the growth of the population of the best things in the world. You are helping spread world peace!
  3. You get to be in the company of dogs all day. Remember that you are known by the company you keep. At the end of your tenure as a dog breeder, you will well be the most affable, kind, faithful, intelligent person in the world.
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VII. Shoe Designer
  1. I have a plan for this one: Convert the designs of tops and blouses into shoes! Ain't I resplendent with brilliance?
  2. Shoes are the key to world peace. 6 billion women can't be wrong!
  3. I would not have to shop again, ever! Well, except for books. Father and boyfriend, are you listening?

VIII. Book Keeper

Sigh. Dream. Peace. Calm. Love. Joy. Light. Serene. Sigh. Meadow. Sigh. Love. 

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IX. Author for Lonely Planet guidebooks

This is a my real-dream job. Got it? I hope to work there someday. God knows how many times I have applied there! 
  1. I get to do what I work for, for a living—travel. 'Nuff said.

X. Blogger
  1. Actually, being a blogger is pretty fantastic. You get to read and do awesome stuff all day long; all you need to do is write about it. It's a total win-win situation.
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Sunday, April 29, 2012

8 before 28

So, I wanted to do a quick update on my 28 before 28 list which WILL expire on the 17th of August where I like it or not. And I was mortified when I read it, because these are all the things that I have completed. This is it!

4. Save!
I have Rs. 2000 ($50) in my bank account now. Yaaay!!!!! {Pleased with self!}


8. Get a job 
Done, done, and done. Now I can quit! ;) Kidding! Work boss, if you are reading this, I am simply jesting. I love my job and the people in it! :*

9. Make some kind of headway in anger management
Done. In a big way. I am much, much, much calmer. Except with my mother. I'll get there! :D
 
13. Get a lot, lot, lot better at photography and Photoshop. Take at least one photography class somewhere.

I have definitely achieved this with my awesome, awesome photography class. It's just that I haven't taken any pictures after that. 

19. Meet somebody I can say this to. "You had me at you're."
My office is chock-full of people like this.


26. Be nicer to the people I like and simultaneously, reduce interaction with the people I don't like, especially badly behaved, rude, arrogant people who are also dumb.
I am happy to report that I have absolutely done this. It is amazing how much energy we put into unproductive things and people. Reducing this kind of interaction is most cathartic.

27. Bring back to life the big toe on my left foot that has been dead since the day I got married. Dead, you hear me? As dead as a dodo that's been hit in the head by Frodo on his way to Mordor. Dead!
My toe is as alive as the hills from The Sound of Music.

28. Try and be true to myself in this silly little world.
Ha ha. This was never a challenge anyways, but it is always something that needs to be mindfully done.

8 down, 20 to go.

Yikers!!!

Saturday, April 28, 2012

I am glad I discovered...

...that braiding your hair into 2 parts before you sleep may help reduce hair fall. It is always nice to have some hope regarding the rate of recession of my hairline.

...that my dizziness is because of anemia. I was convinced that I had cast a spell on myself with the name Dizzy Lizzie. Imagine this blog without a Dizzy Lizzie. Shudder! But anemia? I thought that half my weight was because of the excessive blood in my system. Are you telling me that I am mostly made of fat? All (ahem) kilograms of me? Shudder!

...this blog. It is de-lightful, de-licious, and de-lovely.

...how to use the semicolon. I used to be terrified of them and hence never used them, and I know that there are many others like me. Now my writing is sprinkled liberally with them. I have been empowered! Want me to teach you too?

...typography. It's a whole new world. A new fantastic point of view.

...that I have a brother who might be so taciturn that he doesn't speak a word to me, but while driving me back from the airport, he plays me Spice Girls because once upon a time, when I was 12 and he was 8, Spice Girls was what I loved more than life. I am a lucky sister.

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Friday, April 27, 2012

Color me celadon

I've come home yet again. (Shame!) This is the fourth time in seven months—the most I have come home in this short a duration while I have stayed away. It is only because Thom makes me swab the floors and press his foot everyday. I am tired, Thomas; won't you see? Also, my job and all the concrete in the jungle that is Bombay has left me partially blind and I need to see some green. The sky is grey there and blue here, and my neighbors are less disgruntled. Also, my nails look better when I'm at home. 


So the first thing I did when I got back home is paint my nails. My mother buys 10 shades of nail polish every month and I love her collection. She is definitely my inner woman! Does that make sense? Yes? You are my better half!


So now I have purple paws and I am pleased as punch. Does nail polish color your life? Wouldn't you love nails like this?



How about fishnet tips? 


I love nail polish! It is the easiest, most hassle free way to bring color into your style. And I cannot think of a single color that would not look good on pretty hands and happy feet. Here are five colors for your coming week.

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Which color are you partial to?

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Oriah Mountain Dreamer

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Have you read Oriah's writing?
It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.
 It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain! I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it, or fix it. I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true.I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy. I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day,and if you can source your own life from its presence. I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, “Yes!”
It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.
It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.
It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away. I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.
I know that this piece is about an other, but what a guide this is, to model your life on the basis of... What a manifesto this is, to direct the changes that you wish yourself to undergo...

The poem and a lot of other interesting snippets about her, such as how she got her very unusual name, can be found here.

Hope you have a weekend that is soulful beyond measure.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

What's in a name?

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So I'll have you know that  the name Dizzy Lizzie has caught up with me, like I've always known it would! Yesterday morning, I woke up {yet again} to the room spinning round and round and round and round. And round.

 Let me reiterate that I've known that this would happen, at least since Thom christened me thus, and especially since I chose to refer to myself as this on this blog. That wily woman Rhonda Byrne is right; thoughts do become things! Should've guessed as much!

I have no idea what is wrong with me{Megs, care to quip in?}

Actually, I know exactly what is wrong with me. It's an occupational hazard. I stare at the computer all day long and this is what results. I always told you this as well... I am not meant to work. I am meant to roam free in the wilderness in spring, picking dandelions and reading out Jane Austen to anybody who will care to listen. I am meant to write with a feather and an ink bottle on paper with flowers pressed on it. I am meant to roam the world with a camera on one shoulder and your hand on the other, whoever you are.

Who's with me?

And now, coming back to being dizzy Lizzy, I am seriously considering joining ballet classes. At least the spinning around bit will not be a problem!

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Sitting in a tizzy watching the world go around,

Lizzie

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Thursday, April 12, 2012

Blush! :)

So... I have good news, really good news, and really, really good news. 


Last night, I fell off the bed in a state of sleepy stupor. I knocked my phone off the bed and I followed suit, trying to catch it before it fell and dismantled into 4 pieces, like it has done a hundred times before. The good news is that in many ways, I am still a child. Yay!


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The really good news is that I now own these!


Yellow crocs are the stuff awesome is made of ! They are my sunshine on a clouded day (literally and metaphorically!) I wear them everywhere... to work, to play, to church, to dinner... It goes with EVERYTHING, did you know that? My life feels complete now! I always knew that footwear was the answer to the happiness and inner peace conundrum. I just didn't know that it would come in the form of yolk-yellow crocs. 

Now for the really, really good news, because of which I CANNOT stop smiling...

 From now on, till the end of time (or until Tina returns from work), I will be guest blogging at English Muse. You will see me there (cross your fingers) every Wednesday at 1800 hours, Pacific Standard Time. This is extremely special for me because English Muse, a life through the lens, and Georgianna Lane are the first bloggers that I started reading and loving and have been following earnestly since. The words that they have penned have had a significant bearing on my view of blogging and the kind of writer I hope to be one day.  

 Tina is amazing. She is, in her own words, a "writer and journalist with interests in literature, decor and design." And that is what she writes about in her lovely, lovely blog. So, go there if you want to read what I have to say about a very important issue, but more importantly, go there because English Muse is really one of the best written blogs there is.  

English Muse
image via English Muse
Have a good day, lovelies!

Namesake

I know that I am the last one on this bandwagon, but I just started reading Elizabeth Tina Fey’s Bossypants and it blows my mind right out of the window, I tell you. Blows my mind. Now Tina and I, we have this soul connection, I think. For starters, we both have the same name. (Different in a few insignificant ways, but come on! My name is Elizabeth Teena George. That’s close enough.). As if this was not enough, I totally get her! I don't usually get anyone. In this world of nuclear bombs and dog killers and child sellers, who is really supposed to get anyone! Really! But Tina Fay, man! I totally get her! I bet she would get me too.

I know that I posted this a few weeks ago, but how can you resist this?

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You know what else she said? “If you retain nothing else, always remember the most important rule of beauty, which is: who cares?” How profound, not to mention, true! Kimberly Noel Kardashian, are you listening? Nobody cares about your beauty!

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Have a holly, jolly Easter!

Hi Sweetumses!

I just wanted to wish you all a happy, sappy Easter filled with everything that you love! What are you planning to do? I'm gonna wake up at 3:00 AM and go to church. Yup. May God bless me too.

You have fun with the bunny and eat lots of eggs..

Loads love,

Me

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Friday, April 6, 2012

Same, same but different


I love English... Always have, always will. So in my new job, whenever I get free time, I, like a good girl, pick up this big aquamarine and red book called the Chicago Manual of Style and I read through it. This is what I typed out from there. These are commonly misunderstood words.

Learning is fun!

To appraise is to put a value on something. To apprise is to inform or notify someone.
The jeweler appraised my necklace. Keep me apprised of any developments. Apprise me of the appraisal.

Credible means believable and credulous means gullible.

Disinterested means impartial and uninterested means unconcerned/bored.


Elicit means to draw out, while illicit means illegal.

To enervate is to weaken or drain, while to innervate is to stimulate or provide energy. Antonym alert!

What’s enumerable can be counted. What’s innumerable cannot be.

Every day is adverbial, while everyday is adjectival.
One may wear one’s everyday clothes every day.

To flounder is to struggle awkwardly, while to founder is to sink or fall to the ground.

A gibe is a biting insult or taunt. Gibes are figuratively thrown at their target. Jibe means to fit.
The angry crowd hurled gibes at the wicked witch.The verdict didn’t jibe with the judge’s own view of the facts.

To be grateful is to be thankful or appreciative. To be gratified is to be pleased or satisfied.


Malevolent means evil in mind. Maleficent means evil in thoughts.

A mantle is a long, loose garment like a cloak. A mantel is a wood or stone structure around a fireplace.

It is minuscule, not miniscule.


Noisome has nothing to do with noise; it means noxious, offensive, and foul-smelling.


Odious means hateful. Odorous means detectable by smell.


An officious person is aggressively nosy and meddlesome. It has nothing to do with official.

A peroration, strictly speaking, is the conclusion of an oration or speech. Careful writers avoid using peroration to refer to a rousing speech or text.

Prophesy is the verb, prophecy is the noun, and there is no such thing as prophesize.

To proscribe something is to prohibit it. To prescribe is to appoint or dictate, but y'all know that!

Restive can mean impatient, stubborn, or restless. Restful means conducive to rest.

A gantlet is a path between two lines of tormentors and a gauntlet is a knight's glove. Run the gantlet refers to a means of punishment and throw down the gauntlet refers to a dare (which the challenger accepts by picking up the gauntlet). Purists object to the frequently seen run the gauntlet. I did not know this!

What is tortious relates to torts/civil wrongs or to acts that give rise to legal claims for torts. What is tortuous is full of twists and turns. And what is torturous involves torture or severe discomfort.
A tortious interference with a contract. A tortuous path through the woods.

Turbid water is thick and opaque from stirred-up sediment, and by extension, unclear, confused, or disturbed. Turgid means swollen, and by extension, pompous, and bombastic. Torpid means idle and lazy.


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For 24 years of my life, I spelt weird as wierd. Now I know why. True story, this.

And I know that I'm probably overdoing it with the word adoration spree that I am on, but this is a very interesting read.

Now I have a question. Merriam Webster says that antecedent and precedent are synonyms. Are they or are they not?

Thank you for your kind attention. Hope you have the goodest of days! :)

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Surviving India: Vol. 4


In Anna Karenina, Leo Tolstoy wrote this of families: “Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” He could well have been talking about the traffic in India when he wrote this. The problems that Delhi residents face are worlds apart from those faced by the ones from Calcutta, and these are wholly different from the rigour undergone by the Bombaywalas. (In Delhi, all you need to worry about is not getting raped and keeping your body parts intact, and in Calcutta, it's the ubiquitous garbage that might be your end.)

This guide has been written keeping the travails of the poor, lost, hungry, weary, desolate, woebegone, and despondent soul of the Bombay resident in mind. May thou resteth in peace. And as for the purpose of this pontification, you would do well to keep these in mind before making any attempts at driving in Bombay.

1. The pedestrian who is crossing the road right in front of you WILL NOT be looking left, right, and then left again. In fact, he will not be looking at you at all. This is because right in front of him, on the other side of the road, is the angel of death waiting to take him home, and he can't take his eyes off of her. But it is your job to prevent them from meeting. EVER. Hence, YOU will look before HE crosses the road.

2. If you are trying to overtake someone, rest assured that no matter what he has been doing until that very moment, he will decide to speed up right when you are trying to get ahead of him. Overtaking is serious business here in India. Mind it!

3. Signals are meant to be broken. The government has ensured that every fifth signal is stuck at red to make sure that you get adequately trained at breaking signals. All you need to do is look around you and do what everyone else is doing. And if no one's around, what does it matter anyways! This is a critical skill if you want to drive on Indian roads. You will die otherwise. DIE! So remember. Green says go. Yellow says look before you leap, but leap anyway. Red says look around and follow the leader. Monkey see, monkey do—repeat after me!


4. If, in spite of my instructions in the previous point, you are indeed stuck at a traffic signal (which is entirely different from being stuck in a traffic jam, as you all know), you can proceed to take a short nap. (I use this time to put on my make up.Works every time!) Rest assured that as soon as the signal turns green, a thousand divers and riders will start honking their horns to ensure that no time is wasted.  

5. If as a result of your bad driving, someone turns to you with their nose in the air and screams "You are a terrible driver. Get off the road!", turn to them and calmly say "You are a terrible human being. How would you like it if I told you to get off the planet/go die?"

6. If  the road is even remotely clear, your best bet is to drive smack in between two lanes whenever you can. That way, you can move to the right or left lane depending on which gets clearer at each point. This is called "equivocation driving." (This knowledge is what makes Indians, excellent politicians.) Remember. Driving a car is like playing checkers. You gotta be willing to make all kinds of moves all over the place, and if a space that you want to occupy is not empty, you may need to knock off a few pieces. Just sayin'! 

At this juncture, I would like to say that I DO NOT do this and I abhor people who do. They are a pain in my funny bone. One day I rammed my car right into the behind of the car of a man who was doing this. Ok, maybe I didn't. But this is the stuff my dreams are made of.

7. Make friends with your horn. It's the only way to get other people to stop honking! Pretty soon it will be a conversation. (Shut up! No, you shut up!) C'mon! You know I'm right...

8. Everyone talks on the cellphone when they drive. (Except me. I took the "no mobile phone while driving" pledge with Oprah and I take such things seriously!) But otherwise, it's like a rite of passage—if you can talk and drive, you're good; if you can text and drive, you're a pro; and if you can text and ride the bike, you deserve a standing ovation because you're like the coolest eva! (Not!) So this is the permission that I am giving you: If you see anyone using their mobile phone while driving/riding, fell free to knock 'em dead. And if you are one of 'em people who talk/text while driving a vehicle, shame on you. Shame! Sharam aani chahiye!

9. There are a few things that always take precedence to you on the road.They are commonly found indulging in all kinds of activities on all kinds of roads and they are "untouchable." (No, I am not talking about this.) They are:
a. Cows, buffaloes, bison, oxen, and other bovines. (This is critical information that could save your life! Cows are holy in India [other than when you want to eat beef, in which case, no rules apply]. The only time when they are not untouchable is when you want to seek their blessings, which you do, by touching their behinds. You will be guillotined if you hit one with a car. Serious.)
b. Dogs, large and small, pretty and not so pretty, rabid and not rabid. Do not hit dogs and run! 
c. Goats, sheep, roosters, chicken, ducks, geese, gander, turkey, and other livestock. The least we can do is let them live until, you know, they are ready to be eaten. :( (I feel horrible! I wish that we would all stop eating meat. I wish that we had never started in the first place. I hope that there is a place for these pretty little things in heaven.)
d. Crows and pigeons. (They are curious creatures who have all of the world to flit about in, but somehow, they love lazing around on the streets of Bombay. Methinks that crows and pigeons are the most common kind of roadkill.)
e. Elephants; because you won't kill them, they will kill you!

10. Drive only fuel-efficient cars. This is serious business, you guys! While driving, you are pretty much on first/second gear at all times. If, like me, you have a car that guzzles fuel, you will have to give up your kidneys or your eyes to pay for it. My third eye is already turning blind; hence, selling my eyes is not even an option!

Ok. Lesson 4 complete. Now, hit the road!

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Monday, April 2, 2012

I'm the cool one!

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They is called grammar Nazis for reason. 

Disclaimer: Me am not grammar Nazi! Me too cool for school.

Happy Monday everyone!