Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Hot or Not

Ten not so hot things about marriage

I miss going on Pinterest and obsessing over wedding stuff. There is going to be no wedding in my life again. Ever. The smell of that is the smell of doom.

Apparently, there is no space on the bed for 5 more pillows. I miss my pillows!!!

I miss Squint - my strange bedfellow - even more.

Apparently, I have to share my chocolates now, and not just with Squint. No one warned me about this, not even the priest who conducted the wedding. As if he couldn't have subtly slipped this non-innane piece of information in between "You need to be there for him in sickness and in health", and "Do you take him to be your lawfully wedded husband"!!! *#%^**&^(&^^^%$#%^^$$^&*@@#$!!!

I smell the same as Thom now because we use the same body wash + shampoo + toothpaste + perfume + deodorant!!! There is no mystery left in my life anymore!!!

Here comes the worst...I smell like a man!!!!

I have a ring on my finger. What will Taye Diggs think of me when I hit on him now!!!

Apparently the "I cook, you clean" myth is not really a urban legend. I am more a follower of the "I cook what I want to eat when I want to eat and I never clean ever!!!" school of thought. There is no marriage between these two for sure!

Television time sharing!!! Sucks rotten eggs, I tell you! Sucks rotten eggs!

People think that it is now perfectly polite, appropriate and possibly even expected of them, to point to my burgeoning belly (thanks to a month of consistent and considerable calorie intake), and ask me if I am pregnant. Apparently,  the question is offensive to "Indian" sensibilities only when applied to a single girl, 'coz how could she possibly get pregnant in the first place!' And most definitely, it is not equivalent to calling someone fat, because clearly, all respectable married women have to be with child / children at all times. This knowledge / awareness seems to be a part of the Universal Indian consciousness.  I'm so gonna take a leaf from this book and the next time I find myself disliking a person, I am gonna call her fat by asking her if she is preggers! Marriage. It's my license to kill!

10 hot things about marriage

"Everything that's yours is mine. Everything that's mine is also mine." This is perfect expression in a line and it accurately defines the just, equitable state of existence that is marriage.

Need I say more? I rest my case!!!

1 comment:

  1. Welcome to the world of compromises... sharing everything is difficult esp if you want your own space... Esp Not food - I can cook double but not share ;) Television sharing never happens in my house. It's all J's or my son's. So I resort to watching movies on my laptop out of desperation...

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