Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Woe is my toe

So I really think that Meg from Meg's Mind is the funkier, jazzier version of me! I could say that the things she says... they resonate with me and makes me feel like I'm not alone in this damp, cold world!!! I could very well be saying the things she says, but no, there are now two people in the world saying the same things - me and her. God sure does work in mysterious ways!

So when she wrote about her lower back pain a week back and proceeded to diagnose herself with renal trouble, it resonated with the diagnostician in me, and of course I quipped in with my opinion and told her that it was probably kidney stones. (Kidney stones is one of my favourite diseases to diagnose myself and others with because Joey from Friends had it once!)



So now, I am most definitely hypochondriacal. But it is a weird version of hypochondria because I like to ignore all the health problems that I actually have been confirmed with (there are many) and seek new unchartered territory in the universe of diseases - the road less travelled, so to speak. Diseases that I already have are boring. Possibilities of new and varied diseases that I may have are so much more intriguing. And what I love even more are weird , unexplained symptoms that have no reason to be.

For instance, last week, I found that my toe nail is half white and half flesh coloured vertically! How strange is that. And you know how I discovered it? Because there was an inexplicable pain on my toe in the middle of the night, and when I looked, there it was - the freakishly cream bizarre looking claw! Ugh!

And you know what's weird? The pain suddenly starts in the middle of my sleep and I am woken up in my sleep. And the pain is never there during the day! I really smell something fishy here! Maybe Casper, the friendly ghost lives in my toe and of course wakes up only at night! (Would explain the white colour, if nothing else!) Or maybe I should take another leaf from Meg's book and conclude that there are flesh eating bacteria living in my little piggie that need the dark to thrive and gobble their way through my body.

So I thought thus far and then I decided that speculation is a needless occupation and that I should do what any logical person would do. So I took my problem to the omniscient one - the internet - and He diagnosed that I have 'Lateral Onchyomycosis', which literally means that it is not the bacteria but the fungi that are eating away at my little toe. Woe is me! Woe is my little toe! (A note specifically to Meg: Don't search for this disease online if you don't want to be scarred for life with pictures of misshapen, grotesque, ghastly looking toe nails! It's for this same reason that I am not posting pictures of my toe here!)

And my diagnosis of why I like to self diagnose is thus: My mother got pregnant with me when she was still a medical student. So my guess is that as a fetus, I spent my time doing clinical practice in the medical wards and listening to lectures on Taenia Solium and Sarcoidosis. When I was a wee baby, the bedtime stories that my mother told me were those of heroic rescues that she did as a gynecologist and the lives she saved in the process. So in my psyche, I was already a doctor when I was 3. And now I am a super specialist in all possible specialties!

Hey, Meg! Is your dad a doctor too?

And now I will recount a problem that one of my patients came to me with.

Rosa De La Coeur: I am 80 years old and my right leg hurts a lot when I walk. My doctor said that it's due to old age but I don't believe him because my left leg is of the same age and it does not hurt. What could be wrong?

Pray for me!

10 comments:

  1. Oh ma god. Loaf that episode!

    Peace, Love and Puppies
    Raised By Wolves

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  2. I want the puppies more than the peace and love.

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  3. Just this morning I found a cancerous mole! Self-diagnosed as cancerous, of course. Do you know that now when I search the internet for what might be wrong with me, I ONLY further research the possibilities that I can't pronounce because those are the ones that I want to have. More unique.

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  4. Also, I am sorry about your toe! I hope your feet don't fall off. That would be awful!

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  5. "Do you know that now when I search the internet for what might be wrong with me, I ONLY further research the possibilities that I can't pronounce because those are the ones that I want to have. More unique." - Oh yes. Of course I know! I also like diseases that feel nice to say. Like Sarcoidosis. It just rolls of the tongue. Try it!

    House MD has introduced so many good things in my life!

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  6. Yeah and a toeless foot wouldn't look so pretty in satin peeptoes when I walk down the aisle! Let's pray that this is no neoplastic syndrome!

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  7. Just when I thought I couldn't like you more, you tell me you watch House. I love that show.

    Also I forgot to tell you that my dad is a therapist.

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  8. House is my current favourite show! I just finished watching 6 episodes back to back! :) I feel fulfilled after watching house! See. I told you... we're same to same, only different (as they say in India!)

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  9. Thanks for stopping by my blog and saying hello :) I hope there's a cure for your toe.

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  10. I find it really funny to talk to people with the same name as me!:) I hope there is a cure for my toe too!

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