Saturday, May 28, 2011

Six reasons why today should go to Mount Etna when it is active and jump into the crater

1. Because I experienced 'that moment' in between a sordid argument when I realized that I was wrong right from the start.

2. Because I let out a loud ugly snort right between a laugh and I was standing right behind a microphone and was also being videotaped.

3. Because I realized that wearing anything feminine or pretty only accentuates my Hulk Hogan shoulders and Arnold Schwarzenegger upper arms even more than usual. 

It is the biggest irony of my life right now - that feminine clothes make me look masculine and I am forced to wear masculine clothes because that's the only way to look feminine.

4. Because right at the bottom of the tall glass of milk that I devoured with delight was a cracked and empty cockroach egg. 

(And my first thought was 'Damn! I killed a cockroach baby!')

5. Because I did Tracy Anderson's 'Dance Cardio' workout in my living room today for 45 minutes and I saw myself in the mirror only towards the end of it. 

It was only then that I realized that it was no dance that I was doing, but just the unbecoming act of springing sideways and up, with flabby body parts jiggling back and forth.

My mother might have been video taping me and I might end up on youtube in the goofy section.

Tracy Anderson might see this and might not choose me as one of her back up dancers. (And I had almost mastered half of the first of her seventeen choreographies!)

What a colossal waste.

6. Because I got a zit inside my nose (gross!).

And because it hurts when I breathe through my nose, I look like a pug with my tongue hanging out and breathing heavily all the time.

All in a day!

4 comments:

  1. Why my day can join your day:
    1. Because I needed to be off work at 12:30pm. It is 2pm. I am still at work.
    2. Because I started a new medication that has given me nausea every day since Tuesday. I want to enjoy food!!!
    3. A sweet dog that I dogsit when his owners go out of town died a week ago and I just found out about it today. I have never heard of a dog dying such a gruesome death. I am totally traumatized.

    Let's just throw our days into together!!

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  2. Eeeks! I am so sorry about the dog! But you dog sit? What an awesome job. You should quit your 2 PM job and become a professional dog sitter.

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  3. Loved the post... But there's one line there that has kept me uneasy for the past hour or so... queasy, in fact....

    'And my first thought was 'Damn! I killed a cockroach baby!'...

    As if the doodh-hai-wonderful protein shake wasn't gross enough...

    :D

    Hope your days since that day has been faring better.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm so sorry. But my days after this day has been altogether queasy! :(

    Sorry though. Didn't have to gross everyone out just coz I was grossed out. But misery loves company after all I guess. :O

    Thank you for visiting and commenting :) Nice to have met you.

    ReplyDelete

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