Monday, May 30, 2011

The doctor calling the tooth fairy

I am a doctor's daughter, and as a doctor's daughter who has lived inside a doctor for 9 months and with a doctor for 26 years, I have conferred upon myself the right to self medicate. And this has always worked well for me because as you can see, I am hale and healthy, and also for my parents because they don't have to spend money on doctors to treat me when I am sick. I also help my friends by telling them what medicines to eat and they are all hale and healthy too. (Actually, I can teach you too. Your ammunition is Panadol, Benadryl, Voveran Gel, Amoxicillin and Ciprofloxacin.) So as you can see, I am just a degree short of being a doc actually.

But today, I looked in my medicine box and I realized that I had yet again finished my bottle of 100 tabs of pain killer. And for what do I compulsively eat pain killer? Tooth pain. Bloody unbearable, kick in the gut, wanna kill myself kinda tooth pain. And I mean bloody literally. My gums really do bleed! (Oh, woe is me!)

So I decided to be responsible and dragged myself to my dentist, who after 15 minutes of trying to convert me to his Christian cult while he took 7 X - Rays, told me that I needed 6 cavities to be filled, 1 root canal treatment and 1 tooth to be extracted, out of the 30 teeth that I had left. (2 have already been extracted.) He also told me that I have bleeding gums, an enamelless tooth, a bluish coloured tooth and multiple holes between my teeth. 

My mother just stood there next to me, shaking her head in disbelief, blue with shame for my absolute lack of self interest and care. (It was kinda funny. I get a warm fuzzy feeling and a special brand of kick out of disappointing my care-givers.)

So after the government of India awards me a Doctorate degree in Medicine, I think a 'Exemplary Achievement in Procrastination' award is in order. Wouldn't you acquiesce?

And I sincerely, genuinely need all of your prayers, wishes, wishbones, eyelashes, guardian angels and tooth fairies to help me endure the pain that I am sure will ensue. I am even considering joining my doctor's cult if he promised to drug me senseless in return. 

Don't judge me!!!

Unless you have wiser ideas that is. 

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