Tuesday, May 31, 2011

All's fair in love and war

Recently I noticed a very curious phenomenon that has baffled the liver cells and the pancreatic juices out of me.

After a girl breaks up with a boy leaving him 'heartbroken', the boy invariably spouts a stubble in a day or two, which proceeds to grow into an unkempt beard. The beard grows uninhibitedly until it reaches about an inch or two in length and then it magically remains that way until the lad has given up hope to get back with the girl or meets and falls in love with a new lass, setting the stage for the process to begin all over again.

Now I have a few been privy to a few related incidents that I would like to share.

Once upon a time, in a kingdom far far away, when Sharon broke up with Aaron because he was like the corset around her torso that didn't give her space and didn't let her breathe, Aaron was heartbroken and he just couldn't come to terms with her betrayal. So he stood outside the moat surrounding Sharon's home day after night after day just to catch a glimpse of her. But Sharon had decided to 'Stop the workout and join the party', and was too busy doing the Zumba inside and didn't bother to step out. But guess who ran into Aaron when she was on her way to pick roses for her hair? Me! And guess what I thought when I saw Aaron with his forlorn eyes and scraggly beard? 'Oh look at him! He looks like he hasn't shaved in days. He must be miserable.'

Once upon another time, in a kingdom close by, lived Annie and Rodney and when Annie broke up with Rodney because her parents thought that Rodney was too lowbrow for Annie, he called me up sobbing his heart out, and in pidgin English, told me what happened and then said, "You understanding, Dizzy Lizzie. I not shaving for many days now. My beard - long as Nile water. Long as the Niagara falls. Long as I am when I eat..." "That's enough, Rodney. I get it."

And I did get it. He was heartbroken. And the length of his beard just dimensionalized the heart break.

But really. When I think about it, it doesn't even make sense.

Is the boy taking advantage of the stereotype of a stubble symbolizing a broken heart that has stopped caring about the world and himself, all else except the girl, to convey to her that he is nothing without her?

Does he think that the grubby beard speaks to women in a way that words never do?

 Are men trying to confuse women by using 'beard' metaphors, knowing that women can never grow a long enough beard to use that as a weapon. (And even if they could, I don't think that facial hair on a woman is ever going to convince a man to come back to her!)

Ironically, immediately after she is dumped, a woman's prerogative is to 'save face' and show the man how well she is doing and how awesome she is without him, just so that he will want to come back to her.

And the title of my next book is 'Why men grow a beard and women shave their legs.' Reserve your copies now. It promises to be a knockout. ;)


  1. I wonder what happens to men who already have a beard? send me a copy of the book

  2. why don't you tell me? why do you have a beard?


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