Thursday, April 7, 2011

Consequences of cleaning up your room

1. You can throw out your back and you may have to remain immobile and in a horizontal position in front of the TV for the next 72 hours. While this may sound highly desirable, it means that you will not be able to blog for that long a period. Additionally, the thrown back may have afflicted you in the middle of your cleaning and your room will have to remain in the state of limbo for days on end. Rooms need closure too, you know!

2. You may find an old, ant filled box of chocolates from the time when Titanic released, and because it's chocolate and (obviously) cannot be wasted, you may have to eat every single one of them and also lick the melted chocolate from the plastic wrapper. This may lead to increase in waist size and waste size and also unexplained stomach ailments for the following week.

3. You may unearth a sleeping snake at the bottom of your closet and then you will have to disturb it from its natural habitat. It may get angry and strike. Additionally, you may live on the 10th floor of an apartment building, leaving you wondering what to do with the snake. You may throw it out of the window in your dire state and it may land in your neighbor's Olympic sized pool and the kids there might mistake it for Anaconda and be terrorized for life.

4. You may discover a deadly mold hiding in one of your high heels and once you disturb it and expose it to air, it might lead to a repeat of Will Smith's 'I am Legend.'

5. You may discover that you have way more clothes that you bought to wear when you finally get thin, than clothes that actually fit you. This may force you into a mode of deep retrospection and introspection, which may cause you to take drastic measures into reforming your life choices. God forbid, you may even throw away the red mini skirts and sequined bikini tops that you saved to wear when you're size zero. God forbid!

6. The rest of your family might discover the stolen stash that you keep in your bottom drawer of things that actually belong to them - say for instance alcohol, jewelery, CDs of 24, boxes of cake mix, butter knives, a tennis bat.... Then they might question your motivations, or worse, your sanity, and they may take you to a doctor for psychoanalysis. Psychoanalysis is never fun, let me warn you.

So this is the plea of a manic old woman with no clothes, a broken back and a stomach ailment that won't quit: PLEASE DO NOT CLEAN UP YOUR ROOM!

Stick this list up on your door to ensure that your parent / sibling / partner / child never asks you to clean your room! Its been tried and tested and it works like a charm!

The end. 

No comments:

Post a Comment

Thank you so much for being here. You must know that I love reading your comments more than I love the idea of baby bunnies eating frosted cupcakes sitting atop a cloud. They make me happy when skies are blue, yellow, pink or grey. ♥