Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Possible reasons for the persistence of my back ache

1. God thought to himself, 'Hey! I gave this girl two feet to run but all she does is lie down. From the time she was a wee child, she reads lying down, watches TV lying down, studies lying down, eats her meals lying down, writes in her journal lying down and solves complex mathematical equations previously solved only by Sir. Isaac Newton lying down. She never sits, never skips, never jumps and never ever runs. And she is constantly getting badgered by her parents and grandparents that if she doesn't get up and moving, she is gonna grow roots from her back to the ground and will never be able to move again. Poor wee child. Let me solve her problems by making her back ache so much that everyone will badger her to lie down all the time and not get up.'

2. My pesky neighbour cast a spell on me in retaliation to me calling her a 'Pain in my backside' and she actually turned things around and manifested as a pain in my backside. Is it a just a coincidence that she has been MIA for a week now? 'Get off my back you silly goose!'

3. God's giving me a taste of what married life might offer. After all, drawing water from a well and washing pots and pans and dirty clothes in the river may not be the most conducive for salubrious health and a spasm free body. From the looks of it, I will have to do all of this and much more after gettin' myself hitched. What say Thom? How bout gettin'your darling wife a place 5 months hence with fresh water supply and far far away from the river, huh?

4. In my last life, I was a drunken wife beater and now karma's being a chameleon and has turned colours.

5. Maybe my back is feeling withdrawal symptoms of not 'back'packing, Hardy har har! If I tell my father this, maybe it will convince him to fund me for another jaunt in the Himalayas. How I miss my hills!

6. I have been working way too hard the past month and my body is crying out in anguish and begging me to stop. It is wholly probable that my daily routine of making tea and sitting in front of the computer has gotten too taxing for my lithe, delicate body. Maybe I should stop making tea. My mother drinks it all up leaving nothing for me in any case!

On the other hand, it is wholly improbable that the persisting pain is because I sit for 18 hours in front of the  computer (dedicating myself heroically to the sustenance of this blog and the upkeep of the information systems in my brain) without movement of any sort. My physician was probably high on prescription medicine when he told me that I should get off the computer chair and move my 'back' if I didn't want back pain anymore. My mother who is a doctor herself was overjoyed when he said this because she had told me this very same thing two days ago. But obviously it is their jealousy talking because they don't have any information systems in their head other than of Mycobacterium Lyciae, Taenia Solium and Penicillium Notatum. Or maybe they are conspiring to get me off the chair and into the drug trade. Hmmm. Conspiracy theories always have a vein of truth in them, have you observed?

Doctors are a strange lot though. Did you know that Jim Morrison was actually singing about doctors when he sang 'People are strange'? True story, this. (Source: Information System T1D2JM3 in Elizabeth George's brain)

And while I am being a whine and going on endlessly about backaches and big toenail aches and eyleash follicle aches, I would also, in the role of a grumpy girlfriend, like to state that Thom works way too much and he never has time to take me to the circus anymore! ('The Circus' may or may not be a euphemism for something else that is equally fun!) And also, my father doesn't buy me enough shoes. And my mother steals away the ones I already have. And Nigella Lawson is not responding to my frantic emails professing my love for her. Life sucks rotten eggs!

But aren't you glad that I got all that outta my system once and for all?

4 comments:

  1. I hate it when the answer to a health problem is something completely practical and sensible. I want it to be some sort of medical mystery that is in no way my fault. Wouldn't it be lovely if your back hurt because of some odd little mutated gene that you have absolutely no control over? You could spend days on your computer and who could judge you? You have a mutated gene!

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  2. Oh I have a brilliant idea! you should be God and then you can bring all these ingenious solutions to fruition.

    How i love meg's mind and its evil genius plots! ;)

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  3. True story: I read this comment and started to get very full of myself. Meg's Mind = God. Yes, I am rather amazing, aren't I? And then...... I immediately stepped on the hem of my own skirt and fell on my face. Very humbling.
    Or is it humiliating? Both, I guess.

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  4. I'm glad you specified that this was a true story! coz stuff like this.... its what great classic tales are made of! ha ha! bet you didn't hurt yourself though! that's the God particle in you!

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